welcome.
Meow.
Meow. |
"I didn't know you could play like that, I didn't believe it was you." And I made her cry. Whyyyyy do I always make people cry? My dad had the same reaction...well...minus tears "Damn, you sound smoking good." Skinny white girl doesn't sound half bad after all. Sami's being...well...Sami. She's doing to usual make everyone feel miserable. "You're hurting my feelings" Am I Sami? Because you never gave a damn about anyone's feelings before but your own. Mother's going insane "Don't worry. When she's 21 the state will take over." Oh that's awful. I hate how everything's going to great... And yet everything's falling apart. "Yeah, I guess we're falling apart." The week ahead is looking quite lovely. This weekend actually hasn't been awful... Oh my gosh, I've had more than just 'a weekend.' ...Now what do I call that...a good weekend? Huh.
Or it's not on the dotted line On the back-lots now, I call the shots now When there's a contract to sign I'm up in the big time So I make them wait I'm up in the big time So I'm always late I tell them all "Let's do lunch" Then give them that one-two-punch I'm part of the big-brass, first class Big Time Bunch" -Oh jazz...makes me happy (: Heyyy, I haven't over thought anything this weekend. Go me! I think I covered that on Friday... Does Friday count as the weekend? Oh I don't know... Anyways... I can sing in the car again =O Sami got noise canceling headphones so she doesn't know when I do :D Yay! I miss singing in the car... Going to play cards with father figure (:
I kind of just wanted to leave when you asked actually. That...that...just no. How would I describe that feeling... Umm...suddenly...on spur of the moment...without warning? Mm, those seem like good synonyms. I've had a lot of 'uhm, excuse me moments' lately. Unexpected. I always say I like expected things right? In moderation. Everything in moderation. "Mom, I have people coming over Sunday." "Oh good, I can bake." Sigh. I love my mother! I also love miss Meg. (: "Was she trying to be visible man?" And Katy is soooo loud when she's sick. "Olivia, I can't color this." "Honey, you're using a white crayon." When we try and fail, it's like coloring with a white crayon (: Anyways.
Like you. Honey, you ripped my friend's face apart. I didn't have any respect for you before. You don't touch me. And my math teacher called me a whore? What makes you think I "act stupid to impress guys?" Honestly ms. mantineo, I'm sorry I'm straight. Anyway...positives! Positives...it's hard to feel positive when "the weight of someone's world is crashing down on me" "It's been weeks since I looked both ways or gave a damn," but suddenly I'm having...more heart maybe? It's like, I'm sitting there in gym class talking about how I feel so confused. I've taken too much stuff to heart again, I've decided. My walks haven't helped I'm sure. But I desperately need the air when I go. "Just lead me home and tell me you're right." So, perhaps I no longer have to be saved from myself, but from everyone else. Oh, that's just awful. I'm one of the only people I know that actually doesn't hate people all the time (: August. I need August. Tennessee and Arizona. "Anywhere but here" "She said I think I'll go to Boston... I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain... I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind... I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset, I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah" And darling. I'm confused again. But I've decided to give up on trying to understand you. The End.
I'm tired of the sunset." -Boston-Augustana Such a gorgeous song, honestly. And to think that so many people can connect and relate to that. The thought of that makes me smile. There seems to be quite a number of songs that have that effect on people. Not some silly love song, but something like...like... Like train's drops of jupiter. I'm not sure that I could find anyone who hasn't felt like that. Just sitting there, waiting for someone to come around and realize that you've been there all along. "Now that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she might think of me as Plane old Jane told a story of a man who was too afraid to fly, so he never did land" I love how my dad finally got that meaning 10 years after the song came out. So, Katy dearest drew me a picture of a gamma ray (: "Katy, can you draw me a gamma ray?" [scribes] "There! gamma ray! It's great." She really is adorable as much as she's irritating. Today wasn't horrible! horray!! And it rained too... "Is there are reason why, the rain only falls on your head? It just doesn't seem right at all" -Daphne Loves Derby (Olivia loves daphne loves derby) And although it messes up my hair, I really like it.
It's not that it was completely awful... It just wasn't that great. I didn't feel like my usual happy self. And that's odd. I don't like being unhappy after all. Oh well... "Tomorrow never knows" -The Beatles
Before 1 o'clock pm... I can...sleep tonight? Two and a half hours later I'm...done. This is one of the happiest moments of my life. That's really pathetic isn't it? And the fact that I got really irritated as I answered the phone and Sami jumped on the computer to watch video games? So I walked around in circles and followed my dad around for 15 minutes... And my mom got mad... But it's done! :D! Last night was...ehh. I found it strange that all the people I came with cared about was finding someone to talk to... Sitting up on that stupid hill, perfectly fine myself I hear: "We're going to go find people." Huh. I hope I've never done that before. Because it seems like it would get annoying. At least it did for me. Oh well.
not really... "Sure" What summer? I see nothing summer like in that plan. There's a bunch of random trips. Shipping me off to Arizona ehh? I'll take that. I think my thoughts are more concerned that I'm going to strangle my family. Like one super long weekend. Great. I don't like planning things like this. I don't really like planning anything. I don't feel like I have any control when I'm forced to sit in the backseat of a car for hours on end. Again, it doesn't matter what I think. We're still going. I just soooo don't want this summer to be as wasted as I feel like it's going to be. There are things that I want to do. I have a list too. There's just so much already planned that I don't know if I'll be able to do any of it. Here's part of my list: 1)-Meet someone new and keep them as a friend 2)-Become closer to some friends that I've already made 3)-Do something I've never done before What's with #3? Well, there are some restrictions on that. It can't be like, I'm going to go fishing for the first time. It has to be spontaneous. the end.
I prefer Oliver and Company thank you very much :D It's a bit more probable... Well, not really. I don't plan on getting abducted any time soon... That's a lie...I don't plan on getting abducted with a bunch of animals (: Beauty and the Beast is just so....so.... I don't know. There's just something about it. Maybe it's Belle's voice. Because I honestly can't stand that. Oh well. So, because it's the weekend I've over thought everything. And again, I've realized how little control I have over...this thing. And the lack of control over that...makes me depressed. Because I don't want things to go this way. I'd like things to stay as is without the guilt. But the guilt is very much there. And I can't see it ever going away at this point. Why? Quite so many obvious reasons. I've decided my feelings really don't matter in this case. No matter how differently I've reacted this time. My feelings never mattered before. They shouldn't now. They really shouldn't. I'm sick of pretending that they do, as awful as that might sound. Maybe that's why I was always scared of you. Because no one cared before, they shouldn't now. And those that did care before had left. Hmm, I wasn't even talking about that and I've answered that question. The End on that subject! Sky show tomorrow with Alice (: That should be a nice, forgetful break. Kind of like a mosh pit...only less violent. Why can't I ever forget on a normal day? Hmm. I don't really have time for that much piano. It'll have to do.
Please please please please PLEASE don't do this. I don't think either of you understand how hard this is to watch. You have to admit, we've all had our problems. Like yours most recently with me. I honestly didn't even totally realize it was happening. But when you noticed, I couldn't handle seeing you like that. And the excuses you made for it I couldn't accept. I won't accept, actually. But does it matter? Did we not fix it in the end? Aren't we okay? And you darling. There have been times when I'm sure you've wanted to strangle me. But you didn't even though you could have (: You can admit that we've gotten though some serious stuff right? You can admit that we've gotten through everything in the end, right? Aren't we okay? You two are on my list of people I can trust that seems to grow smaller everyday. Sure, you'll tell me stuff I don't want to hear sometimes, but I take it and grow from it. I can't see you guys like this. Don't you remember your shoelaces? When I saw those they made me so happy. I don't know. I don't think I'm in the middle of this. But I'm kind of sick of being in the middle of things. Just pick up the phone. Please? Sorry, that was completely necessary. In other news... My acoustic phase is back (: Both guitar and iPod. And I love it, but it reminds me of too many things. Things I'm not sure who to tell about. Although you said I could trust you, I'm certainly not telling you this. And I don't want to hurt anyone. Because that's all I seem to do. And I feel horrible about it. But it could always be worse right? Yeah. It could. I could just sit here. Sit here and not address it, so it just turns into a constant playback in my mind that will only affect me more when you're gone. And I don't want that happening. But I don't want to take a break. I need someone from out of state.
So...I guess we can all really decide where we stand after hearing that. I love how much more pissed off my dad is about my geometry than I am "Oh she's going to call? We'll over ride it. But honestly, let her call. Let her freakin' call so I can give her what I think." Thanks daddy (: Today was great aside from being told I can't be a girl. I just love missing class to sit around and sing. It around and sing and stare. It's so...distressful. I love it. "A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other." -Charles Dickens I hate how true that is. I have too many questions of people. Too much I want to know. Too much I'd like to understand. I hate being 'smart.' I hate wanting to constantly know the reason for everything that ever happens in people's lives. It's ridiculous.
I was just bored. And a little too warm for my liking. And I only kind of got annoyed at people today. So...there just wasn't a lot there maybe? Probably. Perhaps tomorrow will be more interesting. Maybe. Maybe not. Then there's the weekend. But that doesn't look quite so promising. Does it ever honestly? "Why do you keep saying you can't get into good schools?" I'm sorry babe. It's habit. And difficult. I need some self worth classes, screw this 'organize your life' thing. Summer feels like it's going to go fast and be awful. I don't want an awful summer, but I have no way to convince myself that it won't be...well, awful. Isn't that depressing? Oh well... "Knitting and knotting and knocking their brains out." You have to admit, it was cute. And much easier to write than a research paper which I should probably do... Sigh. I need a good weekend. Just one good day on the weekend would be nice. Anything. Because that past vacation didn't cut it.
I think I'd throw the biggest party in the world if you died. I hope someone hits you in the head with a fucking golf ball. I absolutely hate how everything is going right in my life except for you're class. Your class ruins my day. I've had the perfect days lately, but no, you don't allow that to happen. It's okay. I never wanted to be valid Victorian. I certainly will NEVER want to now cxnt. Thank you for ruining my almost perfect day. I really did have an amazing day. I didn't eat, but that didn't matter. I just played major scales. A lot of them. I don't know why that seems to calm me down. Probably the bored-ness it induces on me. It's...orderly. Unlike everything else. 1 1 1/2, 1 1 1 1/2... You need to stop making me so happy darling (: I still don't think I deserve you, And I won't stop saying that till the day I die. I need an hour or two walk in the woods. Something...anything to keep my head in the clouds.
Anyways... The coffee house was quite lovely. I find it odd that I don't have a group of friends though... I just kinda go where ever... Hmm. There's always college I guess? Oh gosh, I should just give up now (: You can tell that I have no friends because my grades are up. Just because I have a B in geometry does not mean I don't want to punch my teacher in the face. Because I reallyyyy want to punch her in the face. I guess I'll take the grade though. It's something. I love people with modest talent. They just make me so happy when they blush over a compliment. Ever heard of anyone that does that? It's so cute (: Oh summertime. How I miss that day... I'll find you again before I die, I swear. So, I did something today that caused my abs to hurt. And it's not until my abs hurt that I know I'm doing something: A)-Fun for once B)-something I'm good at C)-I start dancing. I not sure I can say how happy I get belting that and spinning around. It's like...a dream I had one time. But the fact that it came true kind of gives me hope. Hope of...I don't know, being told I'm wasted. Because I get really irritated when people say I'm wasted. I'll bring that up with someone I'm sure.
Oh, how I'd love to cuss my teacher out. Not about feelings is she? It's a shame what our society has done to the sensitivity of women. If only she fell into that category. It's people like her that cause me so much worry. I could be having the best day ever and she'll go ahead and ruin it. Just like that. I don't even care what level math I'm in next year, but if i EVER have her again as a teacher, I'm switching out. I can't fucking stand her. Now that that's over with... Other than geometry my day was quite lovely. I couldn't be happier. Why you ask? (Or not...either way you know I'm going to tell you) 1)-I found out I don't have to go in for the first half of english. 2)-I had an hour and a half of study with Alex dear 3)-We did nothing in gym 4)-I ate food (: 5)-We played with computers in science 6)-I love my friends 7)-I'm up and even ahead on my work How is it that my weeks are amazing but my weekends are awful? What causes such a thing to occur? I look forward to Friday, but then have nothing to do the following day. Maybe it's not pathetic, but apathetic. I'm not sure. Am I ever sure of anything though? Isn't that life? "Never gonna know Never gonna know Let's go Out of this place and make it happen." -The Early November.
I only feel like death because I've gotten no sleep and got sick in Connecticut again. I just can't seem to convince myself to liking Connecticut. It's hard to like something when you're sick all the time though. It is amusing when my grandfather plans my future for me. What future? Oh, you know, joining the military and being a garbage man. It'll be great... I'm allowed to have other aspirations right? Well, either way this week shouldn't be too bad. I feel a science test, but that's the only thing that'll really get in the way of finishing my stupid paper...though in the end it probably won't be a stupid paper because it's a lovely topic. I think I had an epiphany over that one. Maybe I can bribe myself with food to finish it...that usually works. Sigh...4 1/2 more pages, then it's overrr. Thank goodness. I don't think I've consciously realized how much you have effected me, though subconsciously I believe I have. And it's now, forever later, that my subconscious has clued me in. Last night's dream was all too real. And all too...explainable? It's honestly my only worry going into the week. But hell, it's that versus my good streak, so we'll see who wins.
Really hoping I don't get any sicker, seeing as I couldn't breath last night or today (: But oh, it's so much better then being trapped at home. I miss Philadelphia though. The 20 minute plane ride just leaving. Walking around an airport alone. Being just another person. Blending in. It's so...relaxing. I never will see any of these people again. It's lovely! As if I didn't already have enough on my mind I had a quite screwed up dream. I don't think I'll be telling anyone about this one... I think I remember what happened yesterday. And it was another good day. This whole positive thing is pretty cool... "It could be worse!" "See, that's how you should think." "What? Laced with sarcasm?" Next year is set up quite nicely, and if I do everything right, it may just top this year. Maybe...but we'll see I guess. That would be cool if I could get more than seven hours of sleep, of course. Text messages will be the death of me, I strongly dislike them. Is it that hard to pick up the phone? "Do you ever feel things here aren't right? And do you ever feel the time slip by? Well I could say that I have. Yeah I could say that I have." -Everything's Magic
Everything keeps bleeding together: Monday to Tuesday to Wednesday to Thursday to Now. I can't even really remember what happened at the beginning of the week. It's not that they didn't matter, I'm sure they were pretty important... Everything's just been so...so sickening. The piles of work being thrown on me, that seems to just roll off my hand, neither stressful or peaceful. A few minor people issues I'll admit have gotten on my nerves, but it hasn't ruined my day. There's my what seems like constant headaches. Those don't phase me in any particular way either. I don't know. This week was one to be analyzed I'm sure. Someone care to try? Good luck, honest (: So, last minute road trip to Connecticut? Huh. That's not spur of the moment or anything. I'm not even sure I want to go... Can't I just sleep? I'd rather you not bring that up. I was thinking it too...I just do not want it happening. Things beyond your control. I hate not being able to control stuff. "Why the hell aren't you in a band?" "She needs to find people with skill" "Oh come on, just join a random one" "Oh God, I could NEVER do that" It's stuff like that that's irritating. I don't like the thought of singing backup for someone elses songs. What's the point if you can't express your own feelings? "I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now." Wonderwall-Oasis. x3.
I don't think I've felt this horrible in a long time though. I honestly wouldn't be surprised is my head just exploded... What's worse is that I had a really great day. I just couldn't take any of it in. I didn't fail my geometry quiz. I got an A. I got to work with Erin Smith in science :). I went to the library with Alex dear. Nothing was graded in English and I'm caught up on reading. And I laughed a lot, it just hurt. Was it because I was so tired that I laughed so much? Or was everything just funny? I think it was a real laugh from what I remember...that makes things better. Maybe this day wasn't a total waste. "Sometimes, I am afraid, Afraid that I'll never catch my breath, Going this pace, Struggling for space." So much screaming. I don't really want to deal with this right now. I'll find something to do...not at home.
This is one point in time where it is completely necessary to keep it all bottled up.
Maybe they wont, they wont notice that's you're hiding the script, hiding the script under your sleeve." -Daphne Loves Derby? Of Course I enjoy being abducted and then almost killed at lunch, sure! Oh my goodness. "And what did you think of that?" "I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long time." "Well good!" "Wait...I do have an MP3 player today!" "Is that the guy who just said hi to you? Yes, that's creepy." "She's not stupid, she just doesn't want to play." What an entertaining day. It would have been better without this headache. How do I manage such large headaches by the end of the day. It's not like I don't have time to rest. Mods B-E are such a breeze. Why don't I just leave after mod A and come back later? Because I get happy time during those easy mods. I've missed you dear, and it's horrible that we couldn't really talk today. Perhaps in a couple weeks. There's a lot I'd like to...discuss. Yeah. That's probably the right way of looking at it. Oh my, I don't have my iPod tonight (: A healthy break will be nice. My cds are collecting a bit too much dust. I wonder what I even have anymore... Later.
Is that what you were saying? I'm not saying you're wrong, not at all. It just...oddly goes alone with today. "I'm sorry" Never thought I'd here that from my parents. I guess I never realized how much that effected me. And on to connecting the dots. I'm not sure how much I can say publicly without getting yelled at, so don't hate me please. I'm still not sure how okay it is to...do this? If I'm not sure, maybe that's a sign that it should stop. Because it's not like I've tried that. And you know what? It didn't work. So, as long as nothing insanely wrong is going on upstairs, I'm fine. Yup completely and utterly normal to the naked eye. And you. You've probably began to understand or at least have gotten a taste to what's going on. Olivia Gunther: She was interesting Listen to School of Fish (:
So, you know how certain songs make me think of certain people? Well, maybe you don't. But I've compiled a bit of a list throughout the school year. No particular order. Care to see if you made it? 1)-Starting Now: Ingrid Michaelson "I want to crawl back inside my mother's womb I want to shut out all the lights in this room I want to start fresh, like a baby in a sink Scrub away all these thoughts that i think of you So life moves slowly when you're waiting for it to boil Feel like i watch from 6 feet under the soil Still want to hold you and kiss behind your ears But i re count the countless tears that i lost for you But before you finally go there's one thing you should know: That I promise - Starting now I'll never know your name Starting now I'll never feel the same Starting now I wish you never came into my world. I want to crawl back inside my bed of sin I want to burn the sheets that smell like your skin Instead I'll wash them just like kitchen rags with stains Spinning away every piece that remains of you. But before you finally go there's one thing you should know: That I promise - Starting now I'll never know your name Starting now I'll never feel the same Starting now I wish you never came into my world. It's my world, it's not ours anymore It's my world, it's not ours anymore Starting now I'll never know your name Starting now I'll never feel the same Starting now I wish you never came into my world." Don't be shy, go ahead and pull up an MP3 or something. It's cute. It's sticky cute. Can't say I can handle much of Ingrid dear. Anyways, the point right? This seems to be song I try to convince myself of. So in reality, there are two people here. With a cute little melodramatic story that has yet to complete playing out. How do I plan on it ending? Simply. This time next year I'll be freaking out about it, but once the year's over... Well, the story will just be one to tell future friends. That's the expected outcome. Could it be different? Oh, things could be very different. Things could escalate, but I'd rather not think about that now. Moving on... 2)-If You're Lucky, No One Will Get Hurt-Daphne Loves "Rest your bones, I am feeling weak again so please rest with me. I dare not ask who's been helping you fall asleep, oh honey. I'm so tense, gasoline machines can't save me now. Is this how you get what you want? Cause I'd give you everything And I could be destructive too. I'll do anything you make me do. And I can be the one who brings this down. No, please don't make me, please don't make me. Change is coming, yes it's on its way to make things fair, And I'm colliding with the space you're making. Oh honey now I'm afraid that this is way, this is the way you're gonna be. And I could be destructive too. I'll do anything you make me do. And I can be the one who brings this down. No, please don't let me, please don't let me. I'll hunt the hands that took my place, and hang them on the wall so high. I'll make this fair if it's what you want. I dare not ask, I dare not ask for more." Now honestly, this one is worth looking up if you haven't heard it. Daphne Loves Derby just has that easy listening style about them. But the person I'm talking about here is someone I don't deserve. Don't tell me I don't give myself enough credit, because it's entirely true. Maybe it's because Anyone who's stayed as close as you have left. And you're just the first one to come around since then. Don't let me screw this up. I don't want to be the one to leave. 3)-Baby, Come on; +44 "She's a pretty girl. She's always falling down. And I think I just fell in love with her, But she won't ever remember, remember. And I can always find her at the bottom of a plastic cup. Drowning in drunk sincerity. A sad and lonely girl. Quit crying your eyes out. Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on. Isn't there something familiar about me? The past is only the future with the lights on. Quit crying your eyes out, Baby. And she said, I think we're running out of alcohol. Tonight, I hate this fucking town. And all my best friends will be the death of me, But they won't ever remember, remember. So please take me far away, before I melt into the ground. And all my words get used against me. This sad and lonely girl. Quit crying your eyes out. Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on. Isn't there something familiar about me? The past is only the future with the lights on. Quit crying your eyes out, Baby. Quit crying your eyes out. Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on. Isn't there something familiar about me? The past is only the future with the lights on. Quit crying your eyes out. Isn't there something familiar about me? Quit crying your eyes out. The past is only the future with the lights on. So quit crying your eyes out, Baby." If you've decided to look these up, I recommend the acoustic version. I met you this year, and I think you can see even that you've grown. And I'm proud of you. I know you may not believe me entirely, but I really, truly am proud. You've opened your eyes and found, well, simply happy. And it's okay to be okay. I promise. (: I love you....a lot... 5)-Here (In Your Arms); Hellogoodbye "I like, Where we are, When we drive, In your car. I like, Where we are, Here. Cause our lips, Can touch. And our cheeks, Can brush. Our lips can touch, Here. Where you are the one, the one, That lies close to me. Whispers, "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly." I fell in love, in love, With you suddenly. Now there's no place else, I could be, but, Here in your arms. I like, Where you sleep, When you sleep, Next to me. I like, Where you sleep, Here. Our lips, Can touch. And our cheeks, Can brush. Cause our lips can touch, Here. Where you are the one, the one, That lies close to me. Whispers, "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly." I fell in love, in love, With you suddenly. Now there's no place else, I could be, but, Here in your arms. Our lips can touch. Our lips can touch, Here. You are the one, the one, That lies close to me. Whispers, "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly." I fell in love, in love, With you suddenly. Now there's no place else, I could be, but, Here in your... You are the one, the one, That lies close to me. Whispers, "Hello, I've missed you quite, miss you quite..." I fell in love, in love, With you suddenly. Now theres no place else, I could be, but, Here in your arms. Here in your arms. Oh, here in your... arms." Before anyone asks, this song is not interpreted word for word in this case. No. I never fell in love with them. Hear me out. This person just makes everything okay, and I don't think she knows it. No. I know she doesn't know it. Will I tell her this? Someday maybe. She'd be likely to ask about it anyways. I feel that I can connect with her on anything even though I never seem to take up the opportunity. I wish she'd understand how she's effected me positively. Because she has. 6)-Everything's Magic; Angels and Airwaves "And do you ever feel like you're alone? And do you ever wish you'd be unknown? I could say that I have.. I could say that I have.. And do you ever feel things here aren't right? And do you ever feel the time slip by? I can say that I have.. And I can say that I have.. So hear this please And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly And look for the stars as the sun goes down Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound Everything, everything's magic Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight Prepare for the best and the fastest ride And reach out your hand, and i'll make you mine Everything, everything's magic And do you ever lay awake at night? And do you ever tell yourself don't try? Don't try to let yourself down Don't try to let yourself down And do you ever see yourself in love? And do you ever take a chance, my love? Because you know that I will.. Because you know that I will.. So hear this please And watch as your hearts speeds up endlessly And look for the stars as the sun goes down Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound Everything, everything's magic Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight Prepare for the best and the fastest ride And reach out your hand, and i'll make you mine Everything, everything's magic Everything, everything's magic So hear this please And watch as your hearts speeds up endlessly And look for the stars as the sun goes down Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound Everything, everything's magic Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight Prepare for the best and the fastest ride And reach out your hand, and i'll make you mine Everything, everything's magic" Oh my, this is going to sound stupid. Remember that time in PacSun when this song came on and I asked everyone in the store what it was and they didn't know? Then we went home and looked for it for a couple months. Then one day it poped up on your myspace and I flipped out on you at school for finding it? (Props for you btw :D) It's stuff like that that makes me really appreciate our friendship. Warped tour and deep conversations about the universe? You've got it. 7)-So I Thought; Flyleaf "All your twisted thoughts free flow To everlasting memories Show soul Kiss the stars with me And dread the wait for Stupid calls returning us to life We say to those who are in love It can't be true 'cause we're too young I know that's true because so long I was So in love with you So I thought A year goes by And I can't talk about it On my knees Dim lighted room Thoughts free flow try to consume Myself in this I'm not faithless Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose Ignorance is bliss cherish it Pretty neighborhoods You learn too much to hold Believe it not And fight the tears With pretty smiles and lies About the times A year goes by And I can't talk about it The times weren't right And I couldn't talk about it Choris Romance says goodnight Close your eyes and I'll close mine Remember you, remember me Hurt the first, the last, between Choris Romance says goodnight Close your eyes and I'll close mine Remember you, remember me Hurt the first, the last, between And I'm praying that we will see Something there in between Then and there that exceeds all we can dream So we can talk about it [guitar solo] Choris Romance says goodnight Close your eyes and I'll close mine Remember you, remember me Hurt the first, the last, between Choris Romance says goodnight Close your eyes and I'll close mine Remember you, remember me Hurt the first, the last, between And I'm praying that we will see Something there in between Then and there that exceeds all we can dream And all these twisted thoughts I see Jesus there in between And all these twisted thoughts I see Jesus there in between" I had difficulty with your song. There was a lot I could have done, but I felt they were too obvious. You've been there subtly, in the shadows almost. This was one of the first songs we clicked together on. I don't know, you just said how nice it was to talk to me, but I don't think you get how nice it is to talk to you. You inspire me. 8)-Syndicate; The Fray "Half way around the world lies the one thing that you want Buried in the ground, hundreds of miles down The first thing that arises in your mind when you awake Is bending you 'til you break, let me hold you now Baby close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light Baby don't forget, we haven't lost it all yet Don't know what you're made of 'til the one thing that you want Is coming with the dawn and suddenly changes The Monday syndicate meets everyone the same All we've lost to the flame, listen to me now Baby close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet All we know for sure is all that we are fighting for Baby, don't forget we haven't lost it all yet Someday when this is over We may still have no answer For now it's when I hold her We are closer, we are closer Baby, close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet All we know for sure is all that we are fighting for Baby, don't forget we haven't lost it all yet We haven't lost it all yet We are closer, we are closer" "Actually, you don't know me, but I'm going to be going to Central next year and wanted to know if we may have classes together." Something along those lines. (: Remember when we were going to "finish out project" That was great. I feel lucky. I don't know if I should be, but I really am happy that we can have these kind of discussions. It's silly, and simple, but my reason for remembering you goes farther than you think. 9)Something's Coming; "Could be Who knows? There's something due any day I will know right away Soon as it shows It may come cannonballin' down through the sky Gleam in its eye Bright as a rose! Who knows? It's only just out of reach Down the block, on a beach Under a tree I got a feeling there's a miracle due Gonna come true Coming to me Could it be? Yes it could Something's coming Something good If I can wait Something's coming I don't know what it is But it is Gonna be great! With a click With a shock Phone'll jingle Door'll knock Open the latch! Something's coming, don't know when But it's soon Catch the moon One handed catch Around the corner Or whistling down the river Come on - deliver To me Will it be? Yes it will Maybe just by holding still It'll be there! Come on, something, come on in Don't be shy Meet a guy Pull up a chair The air is hummin' And something great is coming Who knows It's only just Out of reach Down the block, on a beach Maybe tonight Maybe tonight..." Come on...someone had to get. Happiest unexpected occurrence at the very end of the school year. And the timing was ridiculous. And it got me through. Yes honey, you did well. I have to say that's the longest on going conversation I've ever had. You seemed to be that something that came...sorry it's in musical form (: Next! 10)-Over This; Ace Enders “Let's just say, that I am over this I am done with it, and moving on. So let's pretend, that it was perfect. And it was worth it, and all is good. But it's hard times, to make it seem alright. Oh please because, We need some saving To help prevent our hearts from breaking So we can say that all of this was worth it. So let's just say, that I deserved it. I worked and earned it, would that be wrong? We're moving on, never regret it And please don't expect it 'Cause we're on our own. But it's hard times, to make it seem alright. Oh please because, We need some saving To help prevent our hearts from breaking So we can say that all of this was worth it. We need some saving To help prevent our hearts from breaking So we can say that all of this was worth it. We need some saving To help prevent our hearts from breaking So we can say that all of this was worth it.” Thank for allowing me to gush from time to time. Thank you for being someone I trust. Thank you for trusting me. I know we’ve had these conversations before, but I honestly do feel like I can trust you with a lot. Thank you so much for that…you really have no idea. Last one… 11)-Behind the Sea (Alternate version); Panic at the Disco “A daydream spills from my corked head Breaks free of my wooden neck Left a nod over sleeping waves Like bobbing bait for bathing cod Floating flocks of candled swans Slowly drift across wax ponds The men all played along To marching drums And boy did they have fun Behind the sea They sang So our matching legs Are marching clocks And we're all too small To talk to God Yes, we're all too smart To talk to God Toast the fine folks casting silver crumbs To us from the dock Jinxed things ringing as they leak Through tiny cracks in the boardwalk Scarecrow, now it's time to hatch Sprouting sons and ageless daughters Those watermelon smiles Just can't ripen underwater Just can't ripen underwater The men all played along To marching drums And boy did they have fun Behind the sea They sang So our matching legs Are marching clocks And we're all too small To talk to God Yeah, we're all too smart To talk to God Oh, we're all too smart To talk to God” Why? Because the lyrics make about as much sense as your thought process sometimes (: I won’t say we’ve been through a lot…because we haven’t. I won’t say we were inseparable…because we weren’t. But you were always there… It’s a nice thing. I could have added a lot more to this list…like, A LOT more. Throughout this year, I’ve encountered a lot of stuff…and without it, I wouldn’t have changed. So thank you for molding me. I know, I know…that sounds creepy, but it happens. People happen. Life happens. I intend to live life, thank you very much.
Because I don't =( I suppose I'll get over it in a couple weeks. Sigh. Stupid flat hair. Tomorrow's Monday. I've done most of my homework. Only things due tomorrow, of course. Hmm. This homework thing is weird. Though I'm less stressed after doing it, And it's not like I have anything else to do. I really should change that... Next year darling, next year. I looked back at a couple of dreams I had written down over the past couple months. I sat back and thought, what an odd reoccurring theme. It's always in correlation to random notes I make in my notebook. Nothing huge or life-shattering, but they may need to be addressed. What's this about writing on yourself causes you to be sent to a therapist? Oh my, If I was to put everything that wasn't class work from my notebook, to my arm. Well...I'm not sure you could see my arm anymore. It's not like I could very well change my habits...what else am I going to do during study?
Catching up with an old friend. Seeing a lovely play. Confessing some faults of mine. Typical day, but so relaxing. I got my hair cut. Different bangs that I'm not really that fond of... I'll get over it when it grows out I guess? Why am I so tired? I'll do it later
You just need to figure out what one will finally prevail and kill you in the end." - How insanely depressing! (: Today was odd. But I do love Fridays (: I'm sorry I irritated you a bit when I commented on you saying something nice to me....? Maybe I just don't notice. I'll try to notice more. ...What? Why is everyone confusing me lately? Confusing me and hitting me... Not abuse silly, just random poking and unusually awkward hugs or shaking of shoulders? Strange. I don't mind most of it, it's just...unexpected. But then again, I love unexpected things. "Nearly all the best things that have come to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me." — Carl Sandburg Today was unexpected. I liked it.
Stupid headaches. Pain meds please? That'd be nice. Today hmm? Today was fun I guess. And productive for once. understood math, caught up in English...ate lunch! (Oh lunch...) The other classes were just there I guess. "But in your dreams, whatever they be, Dream a little dream of me" Oh I don't want to write my lame thesis. Oh I don't want to write this paper. Oh, why can't I just skip English... Without it, my life would be a little easier right now. Mm, I want to see that play maskers is putting on (: Get a little bit of a break from home...because I don't want to be home this weekend. I'll find a way to runaway.
It was indifferent...and yet completely different, if that makes any sense. Oh the irony. I'm sure it makes no sense. I felt as though I had seen no one today. Which again, isn't entirely true, because of course I saw people. Let's see. I felt detached from a couple people in particular that I can usually be found joined at the hip with? Yes, that's most definitely it. And then there was that. That thing. That thing you should have never said. It just...struck a chord with me I guess. (Which chord? Not a Dm...not a C major either) [Yes, chords have feelings too.] Thoughtful? Sure. Necessary? Not really (: Oh well. Then there was my odd morning. I'm ever so stupid in the mornings, aren't I? Mornings and after math...screw math (: Anyways... What came over you to see me totally messed everything up. Way to make it rude to leave and awkward to stay. Then, once we got there.... Darling dear, what happened? I didn't see you until...5 hours later? Something like that. This is probably notebook stuff though. On a more interesting note (Maybe? haha) A couple of people have slowly but surely filled that gap in my chest. That deep hole thing? Yeah. They don't show signs of leaving. Well, actually, they show signs of never wanting to leave. They don't know who they are. They may never know who they are. That's perfectly fine. I love how songs remind me of people. Something about the feeling of the song and the person. I don't know. I wonder what song I am...
For me anyways. I can't tell how anyone else felt about it. The only bad part was my bad mood in gym. But it's gym, what's one to expect? (Stupid teachers that can't do math.) Lunch was good though...well, lunch always seems to be good. But that stupid mini guitar makes it exceptionally good. That and the various unexpected visitors. Unexpected visitors are nice (: They make my day. So, I suppose you can say that aspect of my day was great. Well...that's only because it was... Whatever. I need another one of those long phone conversations. I miss them a lot =/ Haha, I love how you asked me to help you with science when: 1)-I am horrible at science and 2)-I didn't do it (Of course I didn't silly) Oh well! I'm going to pray that I can get the next set of Dickens and science done tonight though. Maybe even geometry if I feel up for it. We'll see....Procrastination just may take over though.
On ever so many levels. First, our in class writing wasn't graded. Oh thank God it wasn't graded. I had an enjoyable study with a friend (And no homework to do during it.) Everyone freaked out about the swine flu in homeroom. We sat and did nothing in gym. Lunch makes me happy. (Oh the mafia) Chorus was enjoyable. Geometry was....well, that sucked, but oh well. Science was great (Love doing well on labs) French was quite enough... But after school was the best, not just because I was out of school. Talk about a major confidence boosting happy making moment (: I missed you dear (: I'm happy you're back. You don't understand how much I need you. I have got to admit, I'm pretty lucky. I've begun looking forward to next year. There are just so many great things lined up for summer and sophomore year. I can't wait (:
I'm hoping that being stressed out and overly pessimistic about the week to come may actually cause the week to be easier. It must be this stupid research paper that I don't know how to write. I need 10 pages in two weeks...and an outline by Friday. I still don't know what the hxll I'm doing. There's always lunch. I'm pretty good at lunch. Just sit there and be quite? I can handle that. So, uhm, my computer died? Like, what is it with this year and the death of my electronics? I'm honestly waiting for my phone to go... First the ipod, then the straightener, now the computer. I just can' win can I? Fxck my life.
Finally, someone who cares about where I'll be in 10 years. Thank you for pulling what everyone says back to reality. Thank you for being real. Thank you for telling me...well, just thanks. It would have been nice to know earlier, that's all. Okay, that pisses me off. Katy's over here watching Hannah Montana and it looks as if shes just picked up and guitar and threw some words on tops of it. How talented and heartfelt. To bad she's not even strumming to song at all... You wonder why I don't watch television...
Is choke on the smoke And let me breathe again I know I never want to fxcking see you again" -Gallows, Just because you sleep next to me doesn't mean you're safe (: Ohh, how that song entertains me. Good thing no one can understand what they're saying. "A daydream spills from my gold head Breaks free of my wooden neck Left a nod over sleeping waves Like bobbing bait for bathing cod Floating flocks of candle swans Slowly drift across wax ponds." ....Interpretation please? haha. "But you know that when the truth is told That you can get what you want, or you can just old. Your gonna, kick off before you even get halfway through oo. When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?" Billy Joel = ♥ That's all. "I'm not one for love songs The way I'm living makes you feel like giving up But you don't, and i want everything for you My disappointment Cause you've been, left behind, And the world has it's shine, But I would drop it on a dime for you" Cobra Starship "Taking on, seven year That holy ghost had left alone Test my arms Kick like crazy I've been trying, way too long" Saosin screams the words I so disparately wish to express. "Are you still there and do you care about how i'm feeling now? I'd like to see what I could be without this holding me down. But I'm afraid of taking this chance and failing." Procrastinating? Always. "Don't get mad if I'm laughing Blame the caffeine for all the five am phone calls and I haven't slept a single night in over a month And not even once, did you start to make sense to me." Here we go back to the middle of nowhere! Oh, what would I do without shuffle? |
