welcome.
Meow.
Meow. |
I haven't played it in ages. It's just so adorable. And oh the memories it's instilled. And oh the bonds it's created. I love it (: You never cease to amaze me. Ever. You're just so ridiculously adorable. Sigh. I need to stop (: I'm happy...again... Big surprise. Nothing more.
The reason of my ridiculous bouts of happiness lately. Because after testing the waters, I don't think I'm going to get hurt. That's a nice feeling. So, Trouble by Nevershoutnever has been stuck in my head for a couple days now. Partially irritating. Yes Kirsty, I'm well aware that it refers to jazz! "You remind me a lot of the girl he's talking about." "Because I listen to jazz and make other people listen to jazz?" "Haha, yes. Jazz is great. And you're just that kind of girl." And then that one particular line in the song: "This cellular will be the death of us, I swear." -And yes darling, I agree that that is indeed our line :p. And that is why I fear our phone conversations (: And now that I'm that much more distracted, I've finally started noticing things that should have been ridiculously obvious to me ages ago. And I know exactly what I don't want, as well as exactly what I do want. One's just it. The other's just not. And I feel awful about it, the fact that I'm almost kind of showing favoritism. Well...not showing it really. That's kind of impossible to show in this instance. I don't know. Later. Brain hurts. Stayed up late with a headache. Woke up with a headache, sinus issues, and a sore throat. The things I do. I wasn't even expecting to continue today. Certainly happy making.
I can't believe the calmness in your bones, after everything." -Daphne Loves Derby. Oh how that scares me. The fact that I just happened to admit it first. And it seems like ever ago that this occurred. But I still can't get over it. I don't think I will. It was just such a ridiculously perfect moment. I'm not sure how to talk about it... I feel as though I should tell someone...but I don't know. It only sounds good on paper. Sigh. Eventually. The entire day was great though. Well, the past 3 days have been great aside from being sick. After all I could do was try to find comforting music. Something considered cute though. The Hush Sound is satisfying...but I need something happier. Sigh. I'll find something. I'm just ever so happy. (: Not really looking forward to the road trip yet... But I know now I won't be bored in the car at midnight. Thanks.
Simply because it's not supposed to happen. Not really sure why it is...but I'm not going to question it. Simply complex. And the fact that those two were in such close proximity with one another worried me. I have a feeling I'm going to lose that next year. Which is depressing. I'm sure after a month or two I'll be okay, but certainly not unchanged. I don't know why anyone's in my life really, but I do know they're there for a reason. To keep me up, or tear me down. Everyone has a purpose. So, concert with Meg and Kirsty (: Quite entertaining. I love them both so much. Good stuff right there. What happens in Kentucky, stays in Kentucky." "What happens in Vegas apparently doesn't stay in Vegas, You have herpes."
I'm not particularly sure what the world has had against me these past couple of days. I didn't think I did anything. That's only because I haven't. Like you. I'm sick of this random obsession you've so suddenly had. Give up. I'm not giving in to your silly ignorant requests. Yes. I'm rather upset at you. And you. Well, I can't say I really blame you for acting in such a fashion, it's how you've been raised after all. I just didn't realize how much you've effected me in that area. I'll say I felt like a bug on the windshield after out conversation. I had convinced myself for so long that it was just my low self-esteem. And it is, you've just have helped that cause a lot more than I've given you credit for. And then you. Just stop with the sexual jokes. I told you to stop right? Guess you are about as hardheaded as I had assumed. I'd prefer to be let alone from you three. God I need a hug right now. Okay, there was my emo moment today. I'll promise to make the rest not so much. Hmm, today... Got out of the family movie. That was nice. Home alone is a nice thing. I wish it'd happen more often. And they claim I'm never home? Where do I go exactly? I don't go anywhere...the end (: Again, I just lock myself up in the attic with the instruments. Oh God I need help. Probably a life too... ...Later (: Lovely frame of mind now.
I guess all I can say now is that I am utterly disgusted at you. As if I haven't made it clear enough how much I hate that. I do not understand what came over you exactly, but I'm not happy with it. Please don't do it again. I'm fully capable of being rude, I just prefer not to be. Had to get that out. In other news... I do like to cooler weather, though it's out of the ordinary. This isn't exactly the most ordinary summer, after all. I've got my skinny jeans, which of course I wear whether the weather tells me to or not, and a big sweatshirt on. Sitting. Playing guitar. Trying to sort the un-organizable facts in front of me. Some simply undeniable. Some I shouldn't even have knowledge about. Some more assumptions. And their all floating around in the mess of my head. Joy. And to think, I've made a song for every single one. But no words. Because the words are never right. English seems to be too simple of a language for this. Simply feeling it is best. I just don't know how to describe them. My vocabulary isn't exactly very extensive. "Are two chords enough, dear?" Because that's just it. I know, a silly, ridiculously artsy outlet. But what choice do I have exactly? I don't have anything else right now. Thank you for making my days brighter, love. I thoroughly appreciate it.
I spent an evening getting practice looking bored And there's a leaf on the sill but it won't be there tomorrow Just some memory that I made it never really goes the way I planned it to I'll tell it like you want all parts appeal and none that don't I love your face the way it moves your murky mouth your eyelid brooms And I'm feeling that cobweb apprehension You're taking pictures of me as I fall down the stairs And it seems so awful if not for my glasses and hair You say I'm your white cast kid, I was born for your cares Why you gotta label me now, why, why now? So I opened up the door I know now what you're for But still not who you are So who, who, tell me who And then you leaned into me and whispered rather softly "Your feet don't fit the branch" It never really goes the way I planned it to I'll tell it like you want all parts appeal and none that won't Like worthless words that you spit out, the foaming garbage of your mouth I'm always listening; I go rummaging through a dumpster of speech You're taking pictures of me as I fall down the stairs It seems so awful but this never happened who cares I'm your T.V. taught child; I'm your sweetest affair When the alarm clock goes off you will disappear But I loved your face the way it moved your murky mouth your eyelid brooms" -Dear & The Headlights
I'll admit that I enjoyed the last one. But that's just so twisted. I'm tired of waking up every night at 4 in the morning. Then there are a lot of things I should be tired of. But honestly, I'm not. In fact, I wouldn't mind more. Lately it's been odd. Wrote a song about it. Helped a little. Didn't get everything out though. I suppose I need a way to dig deeper. But music's my only outlet. What else could I do? I could breathe. That's an option. But my calm was always before I slept. I don't want to wake up like this :p. Oh well. I don't think you were kidding. Which is nice, because I didn't really want you to be kidding. Because I wouldn't mind that. I'd actually quite like it. So please, attempt at that, and I'll attempt to back it. Honest (: I feel like taking a nap...I'm fully aware of the whole 7:15 thing. Just to prepare for the lack of sleep that comes to me usually. Funny...I can fall asleep, but never stay asleep.
I'm not going to be able to walk tomorrow...let alone, oh I don't know, rock climb :p. My feel kill, I smell like marijuana, and I can't feel my legs. And I wouldn't have it any other way (: So many interesting things happened. Like, Kirsty and I found the male versions of ourselves. "If you got me pancakes right now I'd give you my soul...and my shorts." "Wait, why are you wearing two pairs of pants?" "Because I didn't want to carry my shirt!" "Senses Fail puts on a good show...lost my shoe there." "How did you manage that?" "Crowd surfing on people's heads." "Gum?" -Oh happy dayy. Then there were the cellphone stories. "This is very warpedd" "Why, who are you watching now?" "Some he-she" "EWWW JEFFERRE STARR EWWWWWW" -Daddy's ignorance (: "Haha, no I enjoyed you running down my battery :)" -You're only saying that :p I'm going to feel this in the morning and probably blab on about it tomorrow too... In the meantime, I need to take in everything (: Nine hours. "3.141592654" :D
I need your song, your song, your song, started over. I hear the exclamation point. Your eyes are so there" -There's something oddly calming about the EP version.. I still cannot watch Anthony Green and take him seriously though. Ha. Oh that was such a weird day... Warped tour tomorrow. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (x123456789) So. Ridiculously. Excited. Kirsty and I just made a list of bands we want to see.. There's about 23-24... Of course, we'd be lucky to see 8 (: Gahhhh. Happiest day of my life I'm sure. Something could top it...but it's have to be something REALLY good. Care to try? :p Thank you. I don't know why really, but thank you. I don't ask for you much, but you give me a lot (:
All is right in the world finally... I played him a song I learned while he was gone and he was more blown away then I'd ever seen him before. "I didn't know you could do that. That's amazing." I could have cried just then. Almost did. That's all I really wanted. Thank you. I'm so happy right now. And I know exactly why. Though I know I won't admit it... Not for awhile anyways. Well, that might be a lie. I suppose I've admitted it several times. I don't know. It's fine. Again, I'm just happy (: Yesterday I realized a few things. 1)-The blue gradient of the sky is gorgeous. ---The way it's dark at the top and nearly white at the skyline. 2)-Playing guitar on the grass outside of your house is extremely satisfying. ---I know, I'm pathetic. But it was just so much fun. 3)-I'm not alone. ---Yeah. That took me awhile, don't laugh yet.
I love how it takes me a good 24 hours. I knew things would turn around eventually. That doesn't mean my stomach didn't drop thinking about it some more... But, it morphed into something more enjoyable. Much more enjoyable (: So, then I got this weird, bubbly feeling? Maybe that's the phrase. Odd...like the feeling. Okay, maybe it should just be odd... Either way, it happened. I was listening to random songs and could not stop smiling. Sigh. I'm such a square (: Though I wouldn't have it any other way. I mean, if I wasn't a square, I might be more boring. And boring is just plain boring. Oh my philosophies on life... They never get old, do they? Mm, so entertaining :D. Warped tour in three days. asdfghjkl; !! So so so so excited (: Hoping I don't run into too many people of course. Underoath and Saosin... That just makes my life... If only You, Me, and Everyone We Know was going... (They just HADD to play at Berklee when I knew no one that could drive :p) Oh wells (: "Things are gonna be different now, you'll see." -Dirty Laundry; You, Me, and Everyone We Know
And I mean dropped. To the point where I got light-headed. That's not supposed to happen :/. I don't want t get scared out of this. Not this time. I don't want that to happen. I actually want this for once. Weird, I know. And I feel so self-centered saying that. But hey, this whole blogging thing is self-indulgent anyways. Might as well keep it that way. So the California Curse hit twice...both times before 9 am. Seriously, father figure needs to come home now. Before I become chronically insane. ...or shoot everyone. Which ever comes first (: Morbid, I know. It happens. Made my day. Honestly. :D! "You still talking?" "Often." -♥ :D
I'm the only one that hasn't snapped. I really need next week to come. Such plans. So many out of the house plans. So many lovely time consuming out of the house plans. Feel free to waste my time. I'd appreciate it right now. So, in just about locking myself in my room for most of the day today I got to thinking. I'm a very odd person. I don't remember ever being taught to hold open doors for others. I don't remember ever being taught to insist on calling adults by their last names. I don't remember ever being taught to love often. I don't remember ever being taught...anything that I do. I don't believe I taught myself...I just don't think I'm capable. Just hearing stories about me makes me wonder... I ask every time if they were lying. They always deny it. Is it simply a comparison? It just doesn't seem right. I don't know of anything that's really "Right" anymore. Fate may absolutely adore me right now, as it seems. That doesn't mean anything that's happening feels right. Maybe it's not supposed too. I still can't get over how you did it first. All your fault sweetie. (: But honestly. I wouldn't have it any other way. "We set the wrong course And headed dew north. That's where we went wrong."
Now that's depressing ): Just when it was getting fun too... Sigh. Well I suppose it doesn't matter. I refuse to let any of these friendships go by the wayside. Ever. But I'd say that as last nights go, it was lovely. I love how people laugh at me when I tell them I belt in my room. People have gotta let go sometime. Because, darling, I will take you into a field and we will belt some random song at the top of our lungs to get you out of your shell. Hmm. That just might work. We'll try that first. I find it funny how happy little things make me. Like you. Maybe it's just me, but your smile lights up a room, I swear. That and your intense stare that screams "look-at-me-while-i'm-talking-to-you" And you darling. So full of energy alllll the time (: Always happy. Happy and real. Love that. And you and your stories. I'm never going to forget that. "You'll be famous some day." "Well when you're famous you better not forget me!" Why do people tell me these things? The best thing by far that I've gotten is "If I had money, I'd throw it at you." ...Clever. And different. Unique. A good song title... I'll start writing it later. I find it odd how so many girls hate guys for a period of time in their lives. I'm so immature for this stuff (: I like immaturity. "Don't ever grow up." "I don't plan on it." -Favorite teacher by far. I've decided just to drop. Fall. "With memories like embers to keep warm." "I caused a man to passionatly fall in love with me and then jump to his death for points because I was too lazy to find an artifact" I. Love. Liz. The End :D
I was quite proud of us for meeting up in a record time of, what, 20 minutes? Much better than the 45 last time... Came home and the thugs were home as well (: So, we went downtown. I went to Ted Herberts and played everything. Then we ordered breadsticks and ate them at the center of manchester because there was a sketchy guy staring at us in the pizza place (: Then we sat on chairs in the chair store that we weren't supposed to sit on. Bad-ass for sure (: We got so many ideas for our apartment in Boston :D Good times. I started biking again. Much more entertaining than running. Hate running a lot...too much work. I just got so inspired to get better at piano again (: Oh those piano based indie bands just kill me... But I just melt when my fingers can do that. "Who shot that arrow in your throat? Who missed the crimson apple? It hung heavy on the tree above your head This chaos, this calamity, this garden once was perfect Give your immortality to me; I'll set you up against the stars Gloria, We lied, we can't go on This is the time and this is the place to be alive Who shot that arrow in your throat? Who missed the crimson apple? And there is discord in the garden tonight The sea is wine red This is the death of beauty The doves have died The lovers have lied I cut the arrow from your neck Stretched you beneath the tree Among the roots and baby's breath I covered us with silver leaves Gloria, We lied, we can't go on This is the time and this is the place to be alive The sea is wine red This is the death of beauty The doves have died The lovers have lied The sea is wine red This is the death of beauty The doves have died The lovers have lied The sea is wine red (Gloria, we lied) This is the death of beauty (this is the time and place) The doves have died (Gloria, we lied) The lovers have lied (this is the time and place)" -The Hush Sound; Red Wine
I can't get over the hush sound right now. (Thanks Brad) Challenging to play...but damn fun in the end (: Daddy left for California today. Of course he did. That would explain the California curse. Mother had a flat tire in a random parking lot. Joy. Had to bike out to help her. Sigh. Something good has to be coming. It just has too. I feel like something better's coming. Well, things are going great aside from our various family mishaps. Something...different. This summer's going great (:
A lot. We went to the beach for who knows what reason. "I find it funny how none of us actually like the beach." We all dislike the beach. My back is so burnt >_<. Sigh. Oh well. And then we came home and Sami was being...a bit ignorant. "I know you can understand how awful I feel." I'm sorry daddy. Sundays are interesting I suppose. I got recruited for kids...twice. First one was quite. Second time took effort. I don't normally want to throw kids into walls...not until I'm put in 'control' of them. "I hate you." Thank you dear. I don't get that enough (: I love how so many small children find joy in hating me... Quite amusing. "Why can't you just be nice to Olivia?" -Thanks darling (: There are some people that you just click with freakishly fast. And I mean fast fast. And I really appreciate that sometimes (: This time in particular of course. "aaaawesome. No questions asked." Darling dear I missed you (: "I don't know, you're cute when you're annoyed." -Thanks love...
"Leave me, lying here, cause I don't wanna go." -Volcano Girls; Veruca Salt (: I don't want to go to Connecticut. I just need a break from home. Not a kind that will cause me sickness though. That bird brings on those awful headaches, and I've gone without them for so long. It seems like it was stress. Was I that stressed? I had ibuproen all the time...never more than three a day, but it seemed like a daily occurrence to have a headache, and take painmeds. It's not like it was a big deal though. I never just took them because... I don't really want to get involved in family history. Family history. I've always wondered what would happen if I was to have a family. As if my time period isn't screwed up enough. I can't imagine what it'll turn into. I have ridiculously strong personal beliefs about such things. But, what if my kids aren't like that? They wouldn't be clones of me obviously. Perhaps it'd just be a more obscure family. If I was to ever get married, I'd want it t be forever. Divorces are much too common. People have said that they're jealous of my family. We're not perfect. We're certainly not normal. I remember when father figure and I would have to have conversations about how it was okay to be a Christian and listen to real music after a youth group told me to give it up. Oh music. I'm still AMAZED at how much I got away from it then. And what grade was I in...7th or 8th? Something stupid young. It's scary when you don't remember something such a short time ago. And now I remember stupid things. Silly conversations. Song lyrics. Oh God, song lyrics. Everything can be cited with a song for accuracy, whether the person wants it or not. "That was so random." "Well, it's quite a random song. It's valid, I swear." ...Huh. Haven't written that much in awhile. I suppose it was necessary for me. I'd rather not explain into anymore detail. You wouldn't get it. "On an island out in the sea. I wouldn't care what they think of me. But in this crowed in a room. I believe that I'm seconds from insanity. Cause your eyes just ripped me all apart. And my temperamental mind decides that I'm the enemy. Welcome to oblivion. Where panic starts to settle in. Welcome to oblivion. Oooh, I think I'm losing it. So many voices I can't even sleep. Typical late night company. They asked questions about my life. "Where is it going? Who am I?" And those voices rip me all apart. I need medicine to quiet, And survive it. Welcome to oblivion. Where panic starts to settle in. And I'm afraid of everything. Oooh, I lost my head again. Welcome to oblivion. Where my whole life is caving in. And I can't stand who I am. Oooh, I think I'm losing it. (I lost my head again.) (I lost my head again.) Then I met you... You were standing all alone. Cause you felt it too. The world has broken you down. You and me... Are gonna make it through. Cause now we know... (There's people like us) As I fall apart inside. All of my thoughts collide. And that's no way to live a life. Oooooh. I think I'm losing it. Welcome to oblivion. Where panic starts to settle in. And I'm afraid of everything. Oooooh. I lost my head again. Welcome to oblivion. I can't get off my medicine. And I can't stand who I am. Ooooh. I think I'm losing it." -Welcome to Oblivion; Madina Lake
Remembering what’s really important isn’t so important after all. Gather all your possessions, and smile because you’ve got it all. Still that empty feeling won’t go away. Your puzzle’s missing one very essential piece, and I know you’ll keep looking in all the wrong places until it’s too late. Slip on the ice again. When did you become so cold? Living for the here and now never made so much sense. You think you’ve got all the time in the world, but this could all be ending now. How far down will you go before it’s too late? Slipping on the ice again, you’ve become so cold. Lucky for you rock bottom is in sight. Your wake up call is set for now, and the trail you have followed has come all the way to the end. I just hope you survive the crash" ...I love how seeing the lyrics in front of me, I can understand it better. Only Kirsty and I would sit there, listening to this song many times to try to figure out the name... I love us so much (: Real friends right there... This summer thing's coming a little easier now. I can't get over the advertisements for back to school though... Not now please, I just left. Let me live a little. I want a concert...no. Right now I need one. Nothing beats the feeling of getting lost in a mosh pit (: Everything else just goes away. It's not calming...obviously. You come out with a couple bruises and can't walk the next day. But it's all worth it. Yay music :D! Happy...I like this feeling. I could get used to this.
-Brad Doggett It was cold this evening. Very cold. And I got my expected interrogation of course (: I love that girl so much. But I admitted it. After all that time of telling myself I wouldn't tell anyone who would have cared. And I told her. "I shouldn't have told you, but I just don't do well with tears." Nothing changed darling. In fact, things got better. A lot better. ...but now I feel like I've finally truly dipped my toes into this whole trust thing. I'm trying. Honest. And I'm being completely honest. The only person I'm completely capable of lying to is myself, as awful as that sounds. "We're just veryyy strange." So many quotes I could have pulled from that. So many gorgeously worded phrases. But here's not the place. This really isn't the place for much at all. It's served it's purpose perfectly well. And I'm quite pleased with that.
I missed you so. I haven't spent this long on acoustic in a long time. It's what I plan to do tomorrow as well. What's so strange is that my room has been kept clean. ...I'm not entirely sure I'm the one doing that. There's something oddly satisfying about it though. There's something only a bit more oddly satisfying though, and that's playing acoustic in the dark. In the dark when everything else is off. It brings me back down to earth and let's me live in the clouds at the same time. I love it so much. "So who are you hanging out with tomorrow?" "No one, why?" "Just wondering. I thought you were." Mom. I can't now. I need to find my outlet first. Just give me another day to myself and I'll start doing stuff. I always wonder if you worry about that. My lack of interest in most of the outside world. I love people. I love people a lot. This is just an odd time. A time for playing guitar in the dark. So, today I discovered that Daphne Loves Derby did a cover of 'At Last' I do believe I completely melted over it (: "At last, the skies above are blue. My heart was wrapped in clovers, the night I met you." Oh Kenny's voice (:
-... Do people do that? Seriously. "That's awful. I could never do that." -Honestly. People these days... Ethan Frome isn't that bad... I actually kinda like it right now. I couldn't tell you why though. The plot's a little slow, but the author reflects on small moments. It's like my journal...aside from the fact that it's obviously not. Focused. Expressive. I don't know. I just like it. My "Something's Coming" came. But I won't dare acknowledge it publicly. Where's the fun in the guessing game for everything else? "I want to know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours." -Is it progression if a cannibal uses a fork?; Chiodos.
Badlyyyy. And I'm not even really allowed to know. This morning just made everything funny for me. I felt awful. That's not supposed to be how it works is it? Please don't bring it up darling. I love that you're there, I just really don't want to talk about it. I didn't want to know. Just assuming my assumption was false worked for me. Yes. It was a lie. Even I could have figured that out. Why does it concern me so much then? I need a long walk and a long conversation. Very soon.
It's as much as I know Watch it waste away." -Wolfmother; Vagabond Today was interesting. I made a to do list. ... What's wrong with me? Haha, well, I feel accomplished. So that's a plus. And I woke up so happy... And I'm still happy. Going to the Park on a Saturday on the 4th of July was soooo satisfying (: Chicago is just so amazing. "Just take me away with blood and bravery I am the evergreen that breaks the storm sing hallelujah I sold my soul to the darkening." -Daphne Loves Derby; Love and Mercy. "Uhh, he wants to tell me he likes your voice...I'm sorry that sounds totally creepy and he's hitting on you...he's a sketch." -Thanks dear, haha. I love phone calls for stupid stuff like that! :D! It's not like it's been that long, but I miss you. I'm being completely honest when I say I miss people. There are most certainly some people I do not miss. And that's awful. But heck, it's true. Random=Happy? Apparently so.
It rained all week; it poured. Everything smelled awful. Everything was wet. I loved it. It really was a nice break. I got to play 4 different pianos, and still I love Steinway and Sons the best (: Sigh...someday... Anyways, I love how I didn't get a Jesus high. Because that's not what I needed right now. I needed to know for sure that everything was okay. And I was reassured of that. It's okay to have a passion. It's okay to have a life. It's okay to not be called into missions. It's okay to be okay. And that's that. But I did get myself caught up in something... Uhm. I'm not even sure what to call it. I'm just thinking maybe I shouldn't have brought it up at all. It would have come up eventually, yes. It's just not right. I don't understand how you could. It's not normal. Not that you're normal at all though. Mm, still can't deny those eyes. All in all, it was lovely (: But tomorrow I want to go to the park and sing with Meg! Ahh! I love how little things that relate to songs make me so happy (: I did that alllll week. Lovely mood. I'd like to keep it that way. |
