welcome.
Meow.
Meow. |
Sure, I'd prefer colder, but it's not humid for once. I really hope it's not humid for the first week of school...that would be lame. So, in my mad rush to actually finish my summer work, I rediscovered GFP. I find it amazing that they can insert a glowing protein into cancer cells to see where they are. That's like...huge. Today was a Sunday. One of the new usual Sundays though. A four or five year old decided it would be cool to lick my guitar... Sigh. Future leaders of America right there. Things look bright. I'm going to checkerboard my nails now.
I was just really happy... Of course, I fell asleep ridiculously happy...again... I always fall asleep ridiculously happy now. It doesn't matter what happened during the day, I still have that. And I'm really happy that's not going to change anytime soon :).
and woke up on that sunny street at first I thought I couldn't but now I see." So, in 5-10 minutes I managed to write out chords for those two songs. And now I can play the C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song...good stuff. (And easy ;]) Today was chill...very chill. Never will I ever know completely why, but I have some ideas. I was thinking about how I plan on ending my vacation. I'll probably stay up too late again...I'll just have a reason to this year :) A very happy making reason of course. I can't wait for fall...but I think this has been my favorite summer. Not like my summer's have been super memorable...but this one certainly has a lot of highs. Like now, for instance. (:
Star Trek with Alex (: And we kinda watched the movie this time...weird. And then afterwords I couldn't stop smiling again. Yes, again. I love how that's how my days always end. I love how that's what my days consist of. Thank you for being amazing and making me so ridiculously happy (: Today was...funny. Took Sami to West for her orientation. She hated it. I don't know why, but she did. She wouldn't let us show her where anything was. She still wants to go back to Webster with her old friends. Still. They asked mother dearest if she wanted to come to school on the first day with her. "She can't stay with me forever. She's got to become more independent." -True true. Just try telling Sami that though. The doctor's was just odd though. "You seem to have a lot of responsibility...you just need to be able to live your life too." Okay, so maybe I'm just used to it. It is awful, yes, but I'm used to it. Has it effected me? Yeah, it has a lot. I don't really notice it though. Yeah, it's a good portion of the reason I don't go out too often. Yeah, it's kinda why I make extra effort to be kind. Yeah, it's why I have a tendency to cry from time to time when people care. -They're not supposed to care. She doesn't. I think I was hardest hit when the doctor offered to be someone I could talk to if things got overwhelming. I mean, it was weird, yes, but it kinda put things into perspective. Things are always overwhelming here, it just takes a lot to really effect me now though.
And I am the fast sinking anchor Should I fall for you Should I fall for you You are the scar on my tissue That I show all of my new friends Should I show you me Should I show you me All we need is a little bit of momentum Break down these walls that we've built around ourselves All we need is a little bit of inertia Break down and tell break down and tell That you are the rain on the fire Deep in the trees when no one was looking Should I speak of this Should I speak of this You are a mirage in the distance That defies the heat of the desert Should I believe in you Should I believe in you All we need is a little bit of momentum Break down these walls that we've built around ourselves All we need is a little bit of inertia Break down and tell break down and tell These rules are made to break and these walls are built to fall These rules are made to break us These rules are made to break and these walls are built to fall These rules are made to break us all All we need is a little bit of momentum Break down these walls that we've built around ourselves All we need is a little bit of inertia Break down and tell break down and tell That you are Break down and tell break down and tell Break down and tell break down and tell That you are" -The Hush Sound, Momentum :)
The self doubt thing? Yeah. It's probably just the day. I'm just tired. "I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset." -Boston; Augustana Well, I came home, and the first thing I did was play keys. I find it funny how much I miss it when I leave for short periods of time. Okay, it's absolutely ridiculous how much I miss it. Whenever I pray, I still ask why. Not like I deserve to know. It'd just be a luxury to know why I feel the way I do. But I guess that kinda goes with everything else floating in my mind too. Like two comments I've received in the past week. One made me smile, when it should have probably made me sad. And the other made me a little angry, when I should have been hopeful. I guess that all goes along with not being normal though. So, father figure had a dream similar to how I think this will play out. "Well, I was outside, and you were on the piano singing a way to a jazz style song I guess with someone playing bass. And it was really good...but then everyone was setting up. You how in your dreams you just kinda know what's going on? Well, you were plenty happy, it was just obvious you weren't involved." -Mmhm, story of my life.
In sync, just like always. I'm still thoroughly awestruck. So happy (:
Especially with this. I shouldn't feel awful for this, but I do. I want to scream at someone 'why.' 'Why the hell are the odds so far against me on something that should be as simple as volunteer work.' I'm frustrated. I know for a fact I'm not bad. I'm not amazing, but I'm certainly not awful. Why am I so forgotten there then? Why does it seem everyone's s against me? I'm still wrestling with the idea that maybe it's not right. As silly as it may sound to me, maybe it's not my place. Maybe that's not how I'm supposed to use this. I don't know. I'm just getting tired of sitting and waiting on what to do. I've made people cry, fall asleep, and forget. If I can't let it sit, what exactly am I supposed to do?
-:). I'm aware you're concerned. And I know that meant that you care very much about both of us. I just don't want you to worry too much. Because from what I've seen and how we've talked. Well. I don't think something like that will be an issue for a while. We're just...ridiculously happy. And you. I'm not talking to you.
Today is Math and Science day. Which means pretty much that my week this week is going to be used for cramming in school assignments. Luckily, I've made progress on several. Math I'm more than half way through, and Bio is...well, Bio, so really it just requires going over what I did in July. And when I get bored? I'm re-reading. I'm determined to have a good say today, even though my plans are less than enjoyable. Olivia's Week! Whoot!: Monday)-Math+Bio Tuesday)-New phone comes; Re-reading Wednesday)-World History Section one Thursday)-World History Section two Friday)-Storyland. ...So there is hope!
The only part I hate is that it takes longer to travel than the time we stayed. But it was such an epic trip. In all aspects. I can't get over how super ridiculously happy I am. I can't put it into words yet. Nothing short of gushing I suppose. What a waste of a blog.
I hate cars ever so much right now. I've had a lot of help through it though. "I don't blame you! hahaha!" -Thanks :p "Ahh i fell asleep.... No bueno!" "Why did you bother staying up?" "Because I woke up for a little and remembered I was talking to you so I quickly rushed to my phone to apologize :p" -Hahaha I'm so thankful for my friends that make me so happy. 8 hours left of the journey. I've felt light headed a lot, not well really. I just need to be home. The Arizona trip probably isn't happening. But that's fine. I've got a nice idea of how to make up for it (:
I love how that makes it sounds like we're fleeing the state due to a crime... "The grasshopper sleeps at midnight!" Hmm, maybe this car ride won't be so bad after all. I'm sure the break of dawn would be nice. Then again with my track record I'll probably fall asleep... I'm so good at falling asleep! A week away from New Hampshire. That could end up being quite nice.
-Nevershoutnever and their stupid happy making lyrics :p. Must they always be stuck in my head? Sigh. Today was lovely. More enjoyable than yesterday. Raided Kirsty dear's computer (: Only we would be entertained by some of the things we do. Oh music videos... And then the usual stuff. I don't think it'll ever really get old. I'm sure it'll end. But this one's going down in the history books. Why on earth is church drama the worst? It's getting old dear sir. Please stop?
"I'm just a person, but you can't take it." Must. Get. Mind. Off. It. Blahh. Sundays are turning into just one of those days. ...I really didn't want it to turn into one of those days. Overall it's great, honestly. I just don't want to take all this extra crap because of it. Like, seriously darling, what the heck? You're not helping my feelings about this at all :p. Sigh. Oh well. I'll deal with you later. Until then, I need to get ready for Tennessee. Sigh. I hope that's worth the effort getting down there. "We're leaving at midnight so you guys can sleep." -...Riiight. Okay, I'll give the sleep idea a chance. Highly doubt it's going to happen :p. Okay. I need a jam session before I explode. Why must things like this be so confusing? |
