welcome.
Meow.
Meow. |
I'm lost without you." -My God, I love that song. I continue to pray for sanity and clarity, though it may escape me. An achievable peace is next on the goal list. Someday, maybe, someday.
Daddy has enough music to satisfy. Carlos is close by. And it's warm. Comforting. Comfy. I like that word, comfy. While going through songs in my head, I found myself getting lost in the song. Which is fine, until you realize the deadline is tomorrow. But it's cool. I think it's okay to get lost in something.
I thought I'd never see the day, when you'd smile at me." -Paramore<3 Kinda makes me want to stay. Kinda makes me have a little hope. Could I be wrong? Most certainly. But if I'm going to be boycotted again, at least I had the chance.
Sounds fun. Skimming The Grapes of Wrath is a pain. I've got 50% of the reader response sheets done, but I have found all the quotes. I love finding cheesy quotes. Summaries are finished on all as well. I now need themes and significance to the work. I'll be up awhile.
Why me? It just won't end. I'd say tomorrow will be better... But I've got a feeling. I need a hand or something. Why oh why has this year been so awful? I have to go read a book...and fill out a million logs. I feel like giving up. I'm royally pissed off. I want to stop.
Not feeling good about this week. I need to get away. Apathy and heartache.
Sweetie, I know you don't like me that much, but honestly, I'm capable. ^ ^That shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. It did a lot...who are you again? Last I check you weren't involved. Leave me alone. What a silly weekend. And it's going to be a weird week. All because I hate Sundays. "Even the hummingbirds will feel the earthquake" -The Hush Sound
And yet so many people seem ever so fascinated by it. It's silly. "You're not the prettiest girl in town I'm not the only boy with sullied clothes and a sullen frown, so To hell with Valentine's, to hell with perfume To hell with chocolates and picnics And Sinatra tunes" -Ok Go-Crash The Party. I had a funny dream again. The premise was ridiculous, but held lots of funny thoughts. Oh, if only you weren't so fond of it. Perhaps things would work themselves out. Mixed signals are always awful, love. Which should I believe, do you think? :)-Hush.
Keeping track and keeping tabs on you. And he likes the taste of blood, and he loves the way you love And that's just what he wants from you Well hey, you're the only thing I wouldn't change In this place, it's strange to say You're the only angel I ever gave away." -The Hush Sound-Hospital Bed Crawl. I love that album so much. Ahh. Why so amazing? I'll never say. Hush. I like it.
Few, quite unachievable, perfect moments. I love perfect moments. I pray for perfect dreams. I feel like I pass at life at this point in time. Awesome.
Dad-Just a side note..you should walk around broken glass... <3
-This was on a lanyard. Teenagers can't handle lanyards. John Steinbeck is lovely. He just says some stuff in his books that are really powerful. "How can we live without our lives? How will we know it's us without our past? No. Leave it. Burn it." (Steinbeck 88) It just makes the feeling associated with going to California during the Dust Bowl/Great Depression more obtainable. Like I get it. To leave everything. How are you supposed to leave everything? It's insane. Everything. Makes me humble I suppose. I'm a world history freak. Absolute freak. I love studying for midterms. I love you. I'm sorry. "Romantic, not disgusting yet."
Ce qui a été bizzare, a été la sentiment de la réalité. It's was like everything that had happened, was squished into that 10 minutes? It was oddly eye opening. My brain's quite messed up. The vacant yet intense stare. Very strange. Always was, always will be. It was like the Roger Chillingworth of dreams. Roger Chillingworth was suchh a creep. "It's just a lyrical lie, made up in my mind." Practice tomorrow. I'll bring it up possibly. It's nice to leave with a reason anyways. Video games tonight with Ashley :) I never thought I'd look forward to that so much...
I need a haircut, and now I guess a hair straightener. And a detox day. Haven't had one of those in awhile. Maybe tomorrow morning as I'm compiling study materials. So, Ashley and I are finally going to beat finding nemo tomorrow... It will be great. Oh semi? Oh semi.
I'm still praying for clarity, just as I do every night. I don't understand, but I want to. I can't see things like everyone else. Obviously keeping it inside made things worse. It's impossible to explain myself. Dear God, I pray for clarity, I pray for wisdom. Please forgive me of my sins like we should forgive others. I don't know what else to say. Amen. I feel like the worst person in the world. And I deserve it. Girls suck. Awesome.
Yay for response papers. Yay for four day weekend. "I cannot sleep without the radio on"
Absolutely awful, both of you. Why do I love you so much then? :) Silly. I have to go dress shopping... Luckily, I like semi more than I hate dress shopping. This one will be amazing :) Dinosaur theme? Honestly can't go wrong there. What an awkward day. Study, then testing hell, the music bio music. Last music class requires making eye contact now? No..can't say I noticed that sketchy fact, but it's fine, haha. People are odd things. Like Cannery row, look through one hole and you'll see son's of bitches, then through another you'll see saints. People are funny like that. Not to say they don't bother me. I'd like to be in Cannery Row, to be static. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to not be changing if nothing ever changed. Hmm...Steinbeck <3 I so wish we could have talked about that book before testing. But that's okay...I'd like to keep my level fours, Mr. School Board. "Distress call code-word is I wanna live He makes it up as it goes, it goes away To places he can only hide in other peoples minds He makes it up as it goes It goes away" -Circa Survive
Perhaps this really is completely unnecessary. Perhaps it just causes issues. Grr. I didn't want more issues. Perhaps being more like Japan would help the problem. More isolation. Japan had such a cheesey soap opera history though... Japan let Europe in, and Japan and Europe were fine. Then Japan decided to kick Europe out and limit contact at the outside, just enough to get back. No, I don't think I'm Japan, nor do I think I'm Europe. Kicking people out might just be easier though. People are awful. I was going to write a colorful message today...but I felt that might be looked upon as quite rude to the casual observer. That wasn't supposed to happen...honest. Oh goodness. I'm just stupid, aren't I? Allow me to crawl under a rock for a bit. I didn't want to be that...but it seems you've created it yourself. Cool. "That wouldn't work...you distract me, haha"
so hard with anger i can't say them or ill burn myself, and everyone else, but you said on everything that you cannot comprehend and there's no sleeking with love here, cuz its all full of pride" -Forgive Me; The Follow Through. I'm doing okay. I'm doing okay. I hate school, but I'm doing fine. I'm awful at french, but I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm okay.
"Yeah, that's pretty much how it goes down." "Huh." -Oh mother. I love my mother. "What's his face?" Yeah...I'm not really too terrified to say that it's not me, it's you. Honestly, haha. I still kinda want something to change. I'm still bored. I don't want to be bored. Why am I bored? I'm never bored. I don't want to be home, but there's nowhere I want to go. I'm starving, but there's nothing I want to eat. Am I depressed? I don't think so... I'm just bored.
And you'll keep riding the hooks while she likes his good looks it not much better Please just don't give up the hand that I held with all the passion I could muster If you could set down the punch he would ask her to dance but he can't trust her to say yes Did we have something? Cause I don't think we did And come tomorrow I'll have your face covered with signs that I'm moving on So don't you think that I'm hurt, it's your feelings that matter sweetie And If I you were doing what I know you're doing I'd be flattered you weren't thinking of me. Cause I'm sick from neck and my body's reject the pictures of you two in your room That my brain's so good at painting cause we do the same thing I know you need it but I need you Did we have something cause I don't think we did And come tomorrow I'll have your face covered with signs that I'm moving on And I'm sorry it came to this I flipped that note on the fridge, that doubles as a grocery list I'll be staying at my mom's with a broken dryer Desperate for a wash cause I've been soaked with liars" -Liars; The Bay State You know how you just find those songs that are like, "Huh, that fits?" Yeah, thank-you The Bay State <3
I'm addicted to words and they're useless." -Motion City Soundtrack. Oh yay, new music on a sampler :) How ridiculously happy making. My cd got delayed :P Lame. But this will tide me over :) Sigh...I love music. I love how many socially awkward boys I'm friends with. I never really noticed...I love them so much :)
Aside from my brain, it was pretty enjoyable. And then Ashley was there, whom I miss a lot. And I talked to Cay again, and Laura and Deanna and... I don't know. It was just a better night. Maybe you bringing it up last night forced me to refocus. While I don't appreciate in your...adj.-ness...it was okay. I can't be mad because I don't have a reason to be, I can be a little surprised though. There's so much I would tell you...but I know I won't. Again, refocus. Finish the semester. Build new Friendships. Discover things. Win. Friday...I promise.
So, suddenly you hate me? It's okay, I'm fine with it but seriously. I never thought I could lose so many people in such a short amount of time. It's okay...I'll be fine if you're all okay. I wish my mind was not that of a teenage girl. I say that, unaware of what I'd prefer of course, but I still dislike the mind set. I liked it a little awhile ago, but now...no. My focuses are elsewhere. I don't really want to focus on school, but my focus for the past few months has been much less than productive. "I loved your face the way it moved your murky mouth your eyelid brooms." "...I fear we're falling back to ground." -Circa Survive; Stop the Fxcking Car.
I'm pathetic.
Hanging out with Jr. Kids x3 Oh joy upon a million joys. I miss church. And people...I miss people a lot. I need to do that world history homework from two weeks ago? I guess so. And my math homework? Yeah. And finish Cannery Row? I'll do that tonight. I love John Steinbeckx3, my 12th cousin :) Next week is going to suck ass. Awesome. I just pray that Ms Sears got my paper...and that if she didn't, she won't just not accept it. I never liked emailing work to my teachers. Too risky. Sorry I was a thousand miles away, I should have known better. Oh well. I've done nothing this vacation. Nothing but sleep...stay up till 2, wake up at 12... Did I mention next week is going to suck ass? Again. Oh well. "Looking back at sunsets on the east side, we lost track of the time." -Smile Like You Mean It; The Killers |
