welcome.
Meow.
Meow. |
Probably a little bit more now. Probably so much more now. Silly, isn't it? And kinda gross. But ever so satisfying. Oh, and pathetic. Yes, definitely pathetic.
I think what I love most is that I have more weeks left. I love this vacation thing. Sons and Lovers is awfully mellow dramatic, but I don't mind. I kinda like it actually. Crazy, I know, but it beats the hell out of Red Badge of Courage. I'm pretty sure I'm one of five people that does their summer reading/homework. Horrah for being absolutely pathetic. And in the middle of all this horrid school work is something beautiful. Something gorgeous. Something...well worth the wait. It's comfy and inviting and seemingly perfect, though there are always flaws in such things. It's fabulous, and I deserve none of it, but you couldn't pay me enough to take it away. No...not yet. Not in this state. Because it's an awful state of stuckness. Stuckness? Yes, stuckness. It's everything I hate, all the emotions and such mixed up with everything I love. I worry too much, much too much. I finally know how to write my name in Chinese :) Oh the joys of being a pathetic over achiever.
Mmhm. And my excuses are legitimate. Time's just something that wasn't on your side, But it was on mine. I think it's funny how stars can align like that. So thanks, for everything. I don't think it could've gone on a second longer. Thank you for forcing me to do it. Never been so happy about it. Thanks.
Everything's just been going to well lately, and I'm so thankful for the break, because I know when the year starts again it'll all fall back onto me. It always does, there's no way to get around it, so I don't blame people for acting certain ways around me during the school year. Yeah, I might deserve a break, but I'll refuse to take one. Nope. Not until it's officially over. And this time, it was finally worth it. I mean, seriously, I'm actually doing something with myself for once. I'm letting the pieces fall as they may I guess, going out a little bit more. And I love it. I love it so much. I love going to movies just because and taking walks up to Webster with Katy and shopping for dresses but detouring in the Disney store and getting sun-burnt, knowing very well that there was no way around it. And I'm working a little, so I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something in my couple months of rest, saving up for little outings. I love having this happy feeling back, knowing that it's not tied down by any single specific thing, but spread out evenly through people and actions and results. I'm so happy. 我爱你。:)!
It'll probably sink in this week, because I don't have too much going on. But I'm not sure, I just hope I get sleep. I feel like I'm losing a little sleep, just because I'm thinking too much again. So, in reality, this just feels like a week long vacation, simply because I'm thinking too much. What an awful thought. Maybe I should just start David Copperfield... It will only take me about a month to read, which means one and a half months for the three other books. Fabulous. Don't get me wrong, it sounds fantastic, I just haven't seen it played out in full in that scenario. Maybe things will be different, but then again, maybe they won't. And when they're not different, how will it end? I find it hard when people just tell me something like that because I so badly want to believe them. But somehow, I can't. Everything is my fault. Fabulous.
Unfortunately, I'm not one to tell of that sort of thing." Hello Summer. I've missed you, for once. I despise your weather, but I love what you've started out with. Please don't go away too fast. Please let the days be lazy, some even boring, to elongate the season. Please let things stay as they are. Please don't cause me great grief and regret. Please let my stomach drop for all the right reasons. Please don't stress me out. Please...just let me sleep and rest and breathe for a bit. Lord knows I need it. It's a big deal, I know.
"Embrace me, My sweet embraceable you." -Oh welllll...At least it's an easy testing piece. Only two more days, and then I can have slightly less work to do. Why so much reading, teachers? We're killing trees. It's going to be an extremely short Summer. 再见！
Study for finals Which ones? We should do a lot of math and English quotes today. I really want to do well on those. Tomorrow I'll focus on World History and Biology. Awesome. I will pwn these finals, and I'm so excited for this summer.
Hoorah for studying for finals! Hoorah for Maroon 5! Hoorah for Jackson! Hoorah for red walls! Hoorah for bedtimes!
And for another brief time in my life, I'm being pulled around by my emotions. My heart strings ache. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I just want to stop and leave and pretend like everyone is going to be alright. Don't say I don't care about you. To say that is to be lying on an awful level. How do you just say that? ...what did I do wrong again? I don't think I did anything. But that's probably it... My not doing anything causes problems. Oh what a beautiful morning.
and stops my mind from wandering, where it will go" -The Beatles "So I've seen another guy or two? Don't mean I'm not in love with you. Why people tear the seems of anyone's dreams?" -Ellington Why all the homework? Why all these troubles. People shouldn't have so many troubles, life's just too damn short. So homework...let's see... 1)-World History Book ReadingSo...I'm curious as to where sleep factors into my life, and how I manage to have any degree of a social life during the school year. I'll be up late and skipping church to get stuff done before the concert. Oh yes, The Black Crowes concert. My only wish is that they play the 15 minuet version of Thorn In My Pride Do you hear me breathing?Yes...it will be a fantastic show. And yes, there will be a terrible concert hangover on Monday. Will it be worth it? Every pain staking minuet of it :). I really must clean my room. Oh the trivial things that get done where there is simply nothing else interesting to do. Someday soon. Besides, it may come cannonballing down from the sky, gleam in it's eye, bright as a rose...who knows?
Is over my head." -Duke Ellington :) Remember when you'd said you were going to write that down? Or when you told me all those things you wanted to do? It wasn't a big deal. I mean really...three to six people can fall under those vague interrogatives. So whatever, it happens. I don't know...I had just felt like you had this strange nobility about you from time to time and honestly it's made the high school thing less awful. I feel pity and jealousy all at the same time. Desire and hatred. It's ever so bipolar. I'm not a huge fan. I'm licensed. It doesn't feel that great. Oh well. I need summer now. Basically one week left? Kind of? One can only hope.
(Oh yay!) Going in late tomorrow <3 Very little homework <3 Missing French for third class in a row <3 Love <3 |
