welcome.
Meow.
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Only getting 5 hours of sleep sucksssss. Babysitting for 11 hours is sure to be worse. Shweet. Certainly not the greatest way to start a week. Goodnight! I love you.
Wake up. Get coffee. Sleep. Eat something. Sleep... Apparently I need to catch up on that. Tomorrow is four hours of childcare. And the next day is 11 hours of childcare. I really don't like children, but I will be so happy when it's all done. "Wanna know what's worse? Having kids when you hate kids." -Even if she doesn't like kids, I still love my mom. This week looks good though, once 5:30 on Monday comes. Tuesday is probably music filled. Clarke on Wednesday. Hartford on Thursday. Various things for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I think it'll be fun. And I'm ditching James Joyce for now I read Billy Bud. Gross. But it's shorter. And math. Yum. There's only a month left, isn't there? That's dumb. But...the common app comes out on Monday. In one year and one month I'll be able to leave. :) Awesome. Maybe it'll be worth it. No weed out classes for me. Death Cab's Monday Morning is stuck in my head. Cool.
They're really strange...and they seem long. They always include whatever I had thought about before falling asleep and strange situations that I can't wake up from. Weird, man. Just as confused as ever. Maybe I'll dream up the answer tonight.
Like...a mal de tete, or something. More job applications. Yum. It'll never end, will it? Somday, maybe. Children make me sleepy. And they stress me out to no end. :( Mehh. No children for me.
I don't even know. -Self. ...maybe later. Probably not. Regina <3
You are a good sign, and now is a good time. <3
-Oh man, five year olds. They're...I don't even know. It's a self-esteem thing, I think. I can't seem to stop. If I do, then I'm just sleeping all the time. We can't have that now, can we? This is pretty cool. I think I've had a few self-esteem issues lately. Nothing too awful, but enough to be annoying, I think. Cool beans, man. I had the worst dreams last night. Guns and fires and loneliness. Sucked. But I couldn't seem to wake up.
And it's about 5:30. It happens. Good couple of days, once again. Wonderful graduation party/show yesterday that went well. And then napping today? Best decision I've made today. And I'm still sleepyy...but I'll catch up tonight, hopefully. It's been super hot. Has anyone else noticed? New England winters...what can you do?
They love beside the ivy; She's playing with his hair. Well...I think it's cute. In a weird kind of way. I LOVE HOLY CROSS. So pretty. So awesome. Stupid colleges.
Wrote a song using the language of flowers a couple days ago. And I kinda like it? Win. Super long beach day with friends and being able to see a friend from Colorado? Win. Fireworks? Win. Awesome couple of days. Exhausting, but awesome.
Which is fine, because I like it. "...so I could be the tallest man in your eyes, babe." Summer reading...gross. Calculus is dumb too. Next year will either be really good or really awful. I won't place bets yet. But fall will mean parking far away and picking up leaves on the way to school, To put them in books to find later in the year. I only had four in my bio book, but they were so pretty and happy making when I found them. It was a stupid feeling. Also, sometime people think it's strange in the middle of winter to pull out a leave from the ecology section of your text book. But that's okay. I'm okay with it. Mm...letters. I don't know what to write for most of these right now. I've finished one. I want to do two more...but I can't bring myself to it. I'm just too bitter for some reason and really don't want to come off as rude. I've written a lot of songs. But I don't like them. It's an endless cycle, I figure, and it's bringing me downn.
Favorite thing right now. Busyish good mood kinda day. It's that post-good weekend happiness thing, I believe. Boston, and dinner, and beach, and show, and movies. And just a lot of cool people, yup. Yeah. Good things. Getting a set list tomorrow. And probably babysitting. And then Wednesday beach things. And Thursday...I don't know... And Holy Cross on Friday. Cool beans, for sure.
Morning things went well. Then a two hour nap. Then a Jam Factory show with some wonderfully talented people. Then movies with some wonderful people. And now? Just a sore throat and a headache from too much singing and a lack of sleep. I'm going to get on that sleep thing...
Yes. Win. Boston College visit was amusing. Question:"Do you know much about the music department?" Answer:"Oh yeah! My friend's in the marching band!" ...oh wow, BC has a marching band?! Silly... So many preppy honors kids. So many people scanning me up and down. So many people looking at me...with worry? Weird. Strange day. Good but...strange...
Too bad I still can't sing. Too bad. Too bad indeed. It's fine. It's probs in the wrong key anyways, due to my inability to pick decent ones. ...AP scores?! ...maybe today? ...I really hope so... Today I want to: 1)-Walk! 2)-Coffee? 3)-Read James Joyce 4)-Guitar things Yes. Oh, hey Lily Allen. Overall, a long day. A tiring long day. A people pleasing day, more or less. Yeah. Boston tomorrow.
More job applications. More college visits. More summer reading. More walks. More memory making. More memory reminiscing. More tears. More happy tears. More headaches. More painkillers. More caffeine. More coffee. More breakfasts. More pianos. More adventures. More music. More options. More sleep. More thinking. More time. More space. More...things. Boston on Friday! <3 ...to visit Boston College. When this thing is all over, I want to go just to go. I never do that. I'd like to. Oh.
The end!
Really bad. I want to fix it. But I can't. And it's annoying, because all I've wanted to do since I've had throat issues is sing. And I can't. Because it hurts too much. :( I'm gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
You accept my bullshit I accept your smoking I accept your smoking gun.
No more Connecticut for awhile. And confused as ever. The back up schools were ehh. And now, I'm even more confused about what I want to do. Bleh. I don't want to make these decisions. :/ Pursue science? If I'm good enough, maybe. Pursue music? If I'm good enough, maybe. But I don't know. I don't like not knowing. :/ On the bright side. Home. :) Please stop. I'm not interested.
Boom. Next? A couple more books and a Calc packet. And...internet gym? Gross. I'll start that when I get back from Connecticut. Maybe my summer stuff will be done by then too. Cool beans. EP is going to begin recording tomorrowww. Wooooo! Well...the first part, anyway. We should have two this summer, if all goes as planned. Yay for Susan and the Bees! Tomorrow...it's going to be such a long night. Which is why I'm going to bring sandwiches. Because I have a funny feeling I won't eat much, again. ...why aren't my AP scores here yet?! :(
"Your ACT scores are now available" ...also, they aren't horrible. So. Much. Post. Test. Anxiety. Just waiting on that damn AP score report. Then I can see if I'm actually going to get into college. :) Ahh. One. More. Year. 4-6 more standardized tests. A million and five applications. ...I hope it's worth it. I don't like getting so stressed about 4 hours of my life, though. I'm not doing poorly. I'm doing really well in some places, actually. I just don't know how to do better without losing the person taking the test. The numbers are one thing. The personality is a little different. Along with talents and qualities of character that can't exactly be tested. I don't know. I get stressed. It'll make me die young. A walk might be nice this evening. Halfway done summer reading. Halfway done with Chemistry. Haven't started Calculus. Hm. I don't know. I just don't know. Fall will come soon. And maybe fall will prove to be wonderful again, like it always it. I'll park faraway to walk in pea-coats and pick up leaves to put in my books to discover later in the year. And then I'll smile. Because how can you not smile when something that's dying dies with such class? Good job, leaves. I hope that I can die classy, too.
Mrrrrrow. Paid $1.08 for a Real Book. Sometimes, really old giftcards still have $20 on them. And sometimes, Walmart sells Real Books. ...Walmart? I won't ask questions. So long as it shows up, eventually. Today felt gross...muggy, frustrating. And then there were these awesome downpours, and a little bit of thunder. And it was beautiful. There's just something satisfying about wind and rain and thunder and lightning. Batman Begins. Awesome movie. Watching tonight. Sleeping in tomorrow. Reading and piano and telephones. It'll be a nice, relaxing day.
Clearly, the result of a good couple of days.
Man. I wish I wash built like that sometimes. Maybe it would make me a little more interesting. Mrow. I'm tired. But that's alright. This is the first night in a few that I've considered going to sleep before 11. Sigh. Awesome. (: |
