welcome.
Meow.
Meow. |
Fingers crossed. Let's be real. Catchiest song ever.
Everyday's like talking in your sleeppp. DAY OFF TOMORROW. :) <3 #lolz
Everything just hurts. And today, I'm stuck in the house again until work. Vacations make me weird. Like, I'm antisocial and don't want to talk to anyone because no one actually wants to talk to me. ...emo kids. And you know... That's just how today will go until work. Coffee. Gym. Dress making. Room cleaning, if I'm feeling ambitious. Still need to write a poem and do that calculus independent study. Drexel ends up being like...$60,000 a year. And it's not a great school. Hoping I'm not financially guilted into not enjoying college. What's awesome is that while I'm sitting here bsing a workout log, I'm wasting basically an entire day I could be spending on scholarships, creative things, playing piano, maybe actually EXERCISING. Screw you, bureaucracy. You cannot tell me that gym is more important than anything. Frustrated. Incredibly frustrated. And kind of hungry. And I just kinda want to scream. Screw. This. I'm about to pull a transcendentalist.
Wake up at 8. Drag self to work for 9:30. Untangled jewelry and eat chicken sandwiches. Go home to sleep. Wake up. Eat again. And here we are. Didn't talk to anyone. Didn't get anything accomplished. I plan on eating again and going to bed. I'm a pretty pathetic individual.
This is...great. Bowling? Impact? Living the dream right here...
Very good things. I'm quite excited. I just need to remember to eat. Out in the morning to the bank and the fabric store and stuff. Good things. Sleep time.
And you're my father's age. Which is really weird. Mm... ...I do like this version. "'His happiness depends upon it. Is not that a good reason?' asked Mrs. Pennimen, impressively. 'Not for me. My happiness does not.'" (James 175) If you loved her so much, Morris, maybe you shouldn't have left. Chicks hate that shit.
Maybe I should stop doing this. I qualify for a work study program. I'll take it. Dance, Washington Square, and bed, probably. Not a bad evening. Not a bad evening at all.
I kinda like that one. It wasn't my homework. That's probably why.
Sorry. I just suck lately, don't I?
I don't like confrontation, so I turn into a hermit. And get walked on. And get just plain confused. I feel so empty right now. And there's nothing that I would like to fill the feeling with. The weird, probably caused by bad posture, hole in my chest, spinning head, fuzzy eyes. All because I just don't understand anything anymore. I don't understand people. I don't understand thoughts. I don't understand actions, and I really don't understand reactions. And I don't understand why I feel so scared all the time. It's like I need someone sitting over me so that I feel tethered to the ground. Stable. Real. Not just the selfish person my insides are morphing into, into knots and turns and caverns. And then there's the added Spring-like air, that solidifies doubts and makes me cry for fall again. Maybe this time it'll be better. Maybe it won't rain so much and the colors will be nice. Maybe I'll go up north to see it like I've always wanted to. Maybe I'll go hiking. Maybe I'll find extra cash to take a drive somewhere. Anywhere. Or maybe I'll find a way to actually get some artistic release. Find a muse. Sing more. Try to be less of a jerk. Or be happier. Or maybe just go to bed. But the weekend is basically done and I can't do anything about it. But I love you. And yet I'm a terrible friend. I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong. Oh, sweet nothing...I ain't got nothin' at all.
Mm. <3 Reading, edit and essay, and physics problems. Got a couple hours in at work, babysitting now. Not too shabby overall. Oh, child. I'm a tad frustrated with your inability to listen to people. Five year olds, you know? I could never have kids. They would say that I'm an abusive mother because I take remotes away from them when they don't listen to me. Blarg. On the brightside, I think I like Washington Square. I feel terribly bad for Catherine. She's not ugly or stupid...just not quite as good as her dad would like. And that's a terrifying feeling. Like when Morris says something along the lines of "oh, I thought you'd say it wouldn't matter if your father liked me because you like me." And she says "Well, no, I can't go against my father." Gah. Intense. I don't know. I just like it. "He wore a plain gold ring...on his finger"
I'll be exhausted tomorrow, but I don't have lab mods. I'll be exhausted, but I actually did my reading and caught up on homework. I'll be terrified of this math test, but I won't have to make up the math test. I'll probably get a migraine, but I won't have to go to work. This was a weird day. Still absolutely exhausted.
Don't kiss me. I probably have mono. Also: lightheaded+blood work=...a problem. On to the literature of the world!
-The Paris Wife; Paula McLain
So good. I'm so excited about it. Guess who managed to get kicked out of an online gym class? Me. Of course. And it was well deserved. So I'm going to call and talk about how I won't do it again. And then I'm going to bs a bunch of work out logs. And the stupid thing will be done before April arrives. I hate my life sometimes. Why am I taking gym? Because I chose to take AP World History. Which is a great reason to not graduate. "HOW DARE YOU TAKE AP CLASSES YOU FAT CHILD." <3 I love dad. I sort of liked going to UNH today? Because it was like,"hey, this is a really pointless trip. But that's okay, because sometimes you need to just leave." Being out with a low grade fever actually trumps being home with one, even if it gets worse. "You probably have mono." Thanks mom. <3 I didn't know this album was a thing. Now I do. Hm. Homework? Literature of the Romantics, probably. Review of integration for the presentation of a problem. No Physics, 'cause Mr. Patten's a doll...well... Jazz isn't a class. And Chemistry's just a joke. Essay for Wednesday. Test on Wednesday. Work on Sunday and Friday and Saturday. And one week closer to February break. March looks like a fun month. Richard Robinson show, Brandeis visit, the Gala, a banquet for an essay with the Naccach. Mood increased for sure.
I love this song. Trying to stop being sick. Listening to St. Vincent. Reading some Literature of the World. Exhibiting hormonal issues. The usual. "Your skin's so fair, it's not fair."
That movie really turned out well, didn't it? Zanois halftime show most certainly beats Madonna. Mrow. Downtown isn't so bad anymore. I noticed today that it's gotten more interesting, overall. It's also just really nice to be able to walk...I miss walking. I just woke up and felt so disjointed... I felt...lonely I think? Which is strange. Walking, peach tea. It helps a bit, ya know? Ew. I hate this feeling. Alright, Twitter. Let's be real. All social networking is pretty much ruining social lives. I guess you're no different than facebook. Gross. Today I did Physics. And looked at what the World Lit reading was. And sort of actually thought about what Calculus is. And got some Gershwin sheet music. And now I guess...I don't have anything to do but wait to go to bed. Why?
I'm just not crazy about choirs. Not crazy about watching them. Not crazy about being in them. I guess maybe I haven't seen/been in one since SYMS that I actually liked. I miss SYMS. No auditions to attend, and it seemed that everyone was there because they really just enjoyed music. It was cool. Glad I did it. I do enjoy this though. Which is kind of cool. I love knowing so many talented people. It makes me want to keep practicing. Hot chocolate. Piano. Sleep.
I suck. I'm kind of sort of excited I think? Shopping for "concert attire" weirded me out though. White shirts...black skirts...ew. Mostly just the white. ...which is why I got an obnoxious white blouse and a mostly lace, touch the floor skirt. I haven't been in choir for a year...I'm dying. Time to look really stupid. But that happens everyday, so I don't think this should be too different. Tomorrow's not a real school day, is it? It certainly doesn't feel like it should be, but today didn't feel like one either. But getting an A+ on a Naccach paper? I don't even care what happens the rest of the semester. I got into 2 colleges. The weather's being a tease and letting me go for walks again. Mom and I might attempt to make a prom dress? Interesting thought, which would probably imply that I would have to go. Or get a really fancy gig somewhere. ...the first is more probable. I miss work. :/. Meh. What's with these headaches? On the list: drugs. |
